... well i guess now it is totally clear that she wants not to be my wife any longer.
yes i know i should have known this when she left back in August, but i was in denial, praying and hoping she would change her mind or talk to me.
i miss her so much....
life goes on, and the Lord shall be my refuge!
Thursday, December 27, 2007
Tuesday, December 18, 2007
no news is good news!!...really??
well with the upcoming holidays i have been down recently, i guess when you plan for the future you don't really plan for what you didn't want to happen.
i operated on the grounds that the direction i was going would be beneficial to my wife her daughter our baby and myself.
it was not, i am not too depressed thou because i am still holding on to the smallest and slightest chance that in the future if she wants she can return to me and trust that i will still be ready to be a father and a husband.
The Lord has put me through a lot and in each trial i realize how much more dependent i am on Him.
God knows how i feel about my wife, how i still have her pictures on my wall, how i saved our vows, how i got her on my phone as the main wallpaper, how i started wearing my ring again to remind myself of the commitment i made to her.
some would say well, she hasn't upheld her end so why do you still uphold yours, i can but merely answer them with a smile, I LOVE MY Wife...
even if she pursues this divorce and i see her in court i will still feel the same way.
for me this bond is permanent not legally but spiritually, we share a child together and for that i will always be dad, even when she finds someone better and my child calls them dad( much like Gracie did with me) i will still be connected to her in some way or another, not to mention she is part of the body of Christ and so this too, is a connection that her and i both share.
so many people are enjoying the season of being married and relationships and as well am i, i have the Lord.
i removed the song on my myspace profile because i realized i am "not Over Her" nor will i ever be..
very unfortunate for any of the ladies that may be marriage material in the future because even though my wife has left no woman can take the place that was reserved in my heart for One wife, for One marriage for One life together.
well together we are no more, in a physical sense, maybe she thinks about me every once in a while maybe she doesn't maybe she and you who read this hate me, well so be it...
I love her and i don't care if people say that it is wrong for me to love the woman who i chose to spend the rest of my life with..
we share the same goals, to be married, to be happy to have a family, well then I'll see you soon!..
i operated on the grounds that the direction i was going would be beneficial to my wife her daughter our baby and myself.
it was not, i am not too depressed thou because i am still holding on to the smallest and slightest chance that in the future if she wants she can return to me and trust that i will still be ready to be a father and a husband.
The Lord has put me through a lot and in each trial i realize how much more dependent i am on Him.
God knows how i feel about my wife, how i still have her pictures on my wall, how i saved our vows, how i got her on my phone as the main wallpaper, how i started wearing my ring again to remind myself of the commitment i made to her.
some would say well, she hasn't upheld her end so why do you still uphold yours, i can but merely answer them with a smile, I LOVE MY Wife...
even if she pursues this divorce and i see her in court i will still feel the same way.
for me this bond is permanent not legally but spiritually, we share a child together and for that i will always be dad, even when she finds someone better and my child calls them dad( much like Gracie did with me) i will still be connected to her in some way or another, not to mention she is part of the body of Christ and so this too, is a connection that her and i both share.
so many people are enjoying the season of being married and relationships and as well am i, i have the Lord.
i removed the song on my myspace profile because i realized i am "not Over Her" nor will i ever be..
very unfortunate for any of the ladies that may be marriage material in the future because even though my wife has left no woman can take the place that was reserved in my heart for One wife, for One marriage for One life together.
well together we are no more, in a physical sense, maybe she thinks about me every once in a while maybe she doesn't maybe she and you who read this hate me, well so be it...
I love her and i don't care if people say that it is wrong for me to love the woman who i chose to spend the rest of my life with..
we share the same goals, to be married, to be happy to have a family, well then I'll see you soon!..
Wednesday, December 12, 2007
Sunday, December 2, 2007
As a good Friend of mine adds
to the previous blog...
Romans 8:1 (King James Version)
"There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit."
"There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit."
So thus if we are in Christ we are not condemned to walk after the flesh rather to walk after the Spirit.
2 Corinthians 5:17 (King James Version)
"Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new."
"Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new."
It is Jesus Christ and only Jesus Christ that can deliver us from our bondage to sin.The key is, "in Christ," Living in Him and through Him then only are we free. Free from sin but a slave to the Lord, rather better position to be in don't you think? ...Not to mention everything is new!
1 Corinthians 7:21-23 (King James Version)
"Art thou called being a servant? care not for it: but if thou mayest be made free, use it rather. For he that is called in the Lord, being a servant, is the Lord's freeman: likewise also he that is called, being free, is Christ's servant. Ye are bought with a price; be not ye the servants of men."
"Art thou called being a servant? care not for it: but if thou mayest be made free, use it rather. For he that is called in the Lord, being a servant, is the Lord's freeman: likewise also he that is called, being free, is Christ's servant. Ye are bought with a price; be not ye the servants of men."
We are called to submit to the Lord and Live with Him in our lives constantly, to serve Him is to be free by His actions and free in Him. It is not a low position in the eyes of God to be a servant. So do not stress if your life may seem meaningless to the fellow man, to God it is through service that we are free.
Philippians 4:13 (King James Version)
"I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me."
"I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me."
Key word.... "Christ"
Saturday, December 1, 2007
Something to think about as a new, young, growing and older believer in Christ
This will be about "Flesh vs. Spirit"
aka "old nature" vs. "new nature"
Often as a brand new believer we struggle with the things that we were so used to doing before we got saved, and now find it difficult to continue in activities that originally brought us pleasure. You may get this sense of guilt for what you're doing and feeling as though it's wrong, but not actually taking the steps to correct it. As Paul puts it in
Romans 7:15-20 (New Living Translation) "I don’t really understand myself, for I want to do what is right, but I don’t do it. Instead, I do what I hate. But if I know that what I am doing is wrong, this shows that I agree that the law is good. So I am not the one doing wrong; it is sin living in me that does it. And I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. I want to do what is right, but I can’t. I want to do what is good, but I don’t. I don’t want to do what is wrong, but I do it anyway. But if I do what I don’t want to do, I am not really the one doing wrong; it is sin living in me that does it."
What Paul fails to do here at this time, is admit that it is indeed him that does the wrong, now i am not disagreeing with the Word of God by any means. Even though we still have sin in us, and we still have our flesh which lusts after sin,(James 1:14-15) it does not have to control us!
However in order to be free from this feeling, there are a few things that need to take place. One of them is ownership. As many of you in order to be saved prayed the prayer that you are a sinner and that you have fallen short of the glory of God (Romans 3:23) so is much of the same mentality needed here to make the next step.
We now as Christians must know that the holy spirit dwells within us;
John 14:17 (King James Version)
"Even the Spirit of truth; whom the world cannot receive, because it seeth Him not, neither knoweth Him: but ye know Him; for He dwelleth with you, and shall be in you."
"Even the Spirit of truth; whom the world cannot receive, because it seeth Him not, neither knoweth Him: but ye know Him; for He dwelleth with you, and shall be in you."
OK so we know that we're sinners, we know that our flesh is sinful, we then take the step to believe in the Lord Jesus Christ, and we receive the Holy spirit.. so what next?
We all have the power of choice, but obviously as seen above we cant just merely choose; because we still end up doing the things that we don't want to. So then we need faith, we need to trust God's word and see that we have died with Christ and so we shall also rise with Christ.
Romans 6:4 (King James Version)
"Therefore we are buried with Him by baptism into death: that like as Christ was raised up from the dead by the glory of the Father, even so we also should walk in newness of life."
"Therefore we are buried with Him by baptism into death: that like as Christ was raised up from the dead by the glory of the Father, even so we also should walk in newness of life."
Notice how Paul says should! We have to consciously and through faith know and trust that we are putting away our sinful nature, and walking in the grace of our Lord. In order to do this successfully we need to "separate" from the things that are our tripping stones.
Proverbs 18:1 (King James Version)
"Through desire a man, having separated himself, seeketh and intermeddleth with all wisdom."
"Through desire a man, having separated himself, seeketh and intermeddleth with all wisdom."
Again what we should be doing is separating us from these "temptations," yes i know that some may not want to stop going to the bars, stop going to parties and hanging out with our so called friends that we used to party with, drink together, chase members of the opposite sex etc... (but) I must stress that we cannot be successful if we disagree with God and try to justify our keeping of the old friends.
1 Corinthians 5:5-7 (King James Version)
"Your glorying is not good. Know ye not that a little leaven leaveneth the whole lump?
Purge out therefore the old leaven, that ye may be a new lump, as ye are unleavened. For even Christ our passover is sacrificed for us:"
"Your glorying is not good. Know ye not that a little leaven leaveneth the whole lump?
Purge out therefore the old leaven, that ye may be a new lump, as ye are unleavened. For even Christ our passover is sacrificed for us:"
Here we see once more the need for separation; as well as, that once we do so we allow what Christ has done for us to make us new and leaven free.
So now lets talk about the Holy Spirit that dwells in us. Even though He is in us, He does not take control and render us as bystanders to watch while He runs our life. so we then find ourselves with the necessity to pray and walk in a way that would be pleasing to Him.
Romans 8:5 (King James Version)
"For they that are after the flesh do mind the things of the flesh; but they that are after the Spirit the things of the Spirit."
"For they that are after the flesh do mind the things of the flesh; but they that are after the Spirit the things of the Spirit."
You can have the Holy Spirit but still pursue the things of the flesh. So to remind you, we should first be seeking the things of God
Matthew 6:33 (King James Version)
"But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and His righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you."
"But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and His righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you."
As well as walking by faith, and in fellowship with those who are like minded.
2 Corinthians 5:7 (King James Version)
"For we walk by faith, not by sight:"
"For we walk by faith, not by sight:"
1 John 1:5-7 (King James Version)
"This then is the message which we have heard of Him, and declare unto you, that God is light, and in Him is no darkness at all. If we say that we have fellowship with Him, and walk in darkness, we lie, and do not the truth: But if we walk in the light, as He is in the light, we have fellowship one with another, and the blood of Jesus Christ His Son cleanseth us from all sin."
"This then is the message which we have heard of Him, and declare unto you, that God is light, and in Him is no darkness at all. If we say that we have fellowship with Him, and walk in darkness, we lie, and do not the truth: But if we walk in the light, as He is in the light, we have fellowship one with another, and the blood of Jesus Christ His Son cleanseth us from all sin."
To Close this message, we have forgiveness of sins, but only through the blood of Christ, we have an old nature that lusts after the things of this world, but we are given the wonderful gift of the Holy Spirit, if we walk in darkness we displease God and can not truly have fellowship with Him, but if we recon ourselves dead to the things of this world, and are risen with Christ, we can then walk in the light and enjoy the many and vast things that our Father in heaven so graciously wants to give to us.
p.s. some other relevant verses to look at when dealing with this struggle:
(Romans 8:13,32) (Romans 12:1-2) (Galatians 5:9) (John 3:3-8) (2 Corinthians 5:17) (Proverbs 14:6, 12) (Philippians 3:8)
Psalm 18:30 (King James Version)
"As for God, His way is perfect: the word of the LORD is tried: He is a buckler to all those that trust in Him."
"As for God, His way is perfect: the word of the LORD is tried: He is a buckler to all those that trust in Him."
Thursday, November 29, 2007
Where I am at Now!
Well as many may already know i recently was dealt a hand that for some would be crippling. However i have been maintained by the grace and the goodness of my Lord.
Acts 20:24 (King James Version)
"But none of these things move me, neither count I my life dear unto myself, so that I might finish my course with joy, and the ministry, which I have received of the Lord Jesus, to testify the gospel of the grace of God."
There is a sense of peace knowing truly that my life is entirely in His hands, here's where people get confused, If we at all try to take matters into our own hands; we prevent the Lord from providing for us as He sees fit.
Proverbs 3:5-6 (King James Version)
"Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct thy paths."
So the situation was, i met this girl in high school who carried herself unlike any other girls i knew, she was reserved and polite, smiled and walked beautifully. At that time i was a nobody, in short i had many problems and followed my own path (a path that at the time i thought was the only right way to do things) and wasn't worthy of her courtship.
Through the saving grace of my Lord and the finished work of Jesus Christ on the cross, i began to change.
2 Corinthians 5:17 (King James Version)
"Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new.
Meanwhile this lovely lady started down a slippery and painful path of her own. I was saved Feb 5Th 2005 on a Saturday morning. Nov 6Th 2005 i was baptised in the Lord. I like many other young believers struggled with my old and new nature battle that was now taking place.
Matthew 26:41 (King James Version)
"Watch and pray, that ye enter not into temptation: the spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak."
I had not filled myself with the spirit, i was not steady in my prayers.
I had made and kept small amounts of contact with this girl i met, and found in 2007 that she was soon moving near to me after i had joined the Armed Services. I decided to meet with her to see if the same passion we both shared 3 years ago for music was still there, and to hopefully kindle a romance and a relationship that led to marriage and a happy family.
In today's society it is necessary to be married and avoid fornication,
1 Corinthians 7:2 (King James Version)
"Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband."
So even though my intention may have been scripture based, the way in which i went about it was not in submission to the Lord, the beginning of my problems started here. My wife and i during our engagement discussed thoroughly our thoughts and views on God, marriage, family and more... Yet when we made the mistake of fornication before we were married, it appeared that we had both repented. Myself and other's were under the impression that she was genuinely true to her word and her commitments (deep down inside i hope that woman still exists). I still have the original copy of her vows, a few wedding photos that were thrown in the trash and recovered, and some voice messages saved on my phone that exemplify a wife who is indeed loving, caring, respectful, and more.
She started out like this...
Proverbs 12:4 (New King James Version)
"An excellent wife is the crown of her husband, But she who causes shame is like rottenness in his bones."
and now is more like the latter half of the verse..
It is sad for me to say that while i was away (work related) she was motivated by others (and this false fear that i would end up like her ex's) that helped and enabled her to pack up and leave me, in the meantime getting a protection order as to prevent me from pursuing her.
1 Corinthians 7:10-11 (King James Version)
"And unto the married I command, yet not I, but the Lord, Let not the wife depart from her husband: But and if she depart, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband: and let not the husband put away his wife."
We had marriage classes and parenting classes that were set up and she avoided both. all of a sudden this prized wife i thought i had, was now gone, left and in such a manner as to give no hopes of her return.
Yet even with such tragedy, and multiple court cases (which have all accused me of violating this order, and the results being that i have not... due to the lack of evidence, eventually resulted in dismissal), a complete mental breakdown and various other situational related problems, the Lord has stayed true to His Word.
Joshua 1:9 (New King James Version)
"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and of good courage; do not be afraid, nor be dismayed, for the LORD your God is with you wherever you go.”
The Lord never left my side. He never will.
Today I am living strong and growing even more in the things of God, and know that i have a brighter future when living in obedience to Him.
Romans 8:28 (King James Version)
"And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose."
Acts 20:24 (King James Version)
"But none of these things move me, neither count I my life dear unto myself, so that I might finish my course with joy, and the ministry, which I have received of the Lord Jesus, to testify the gospel of the grace of God."
There is a sense of peace knowing truly that my life is entirely in His hands, here's where people get confused, If we at all try to take matters into our own hands; we prevent the Lord from providing for us as He sees fit.
Proverbs 3:5-6 (King James Version)
"Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct thy paths."
So the situation was, i met this girl in high school who carried herself unlike any other girls i knew, she was reserved and polite, smiled and walked beautifully. At that time i was a nobody, in short i had many problems and followed my own path (a path that at the time i thought was the only right way to do things) and wasn't worthy of her courtship.
Through the saving grace of my Lord and the finished work of Jesus Christ on the cross, i began to change.
2 Corinthians 5:17 (King James Version)
"Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new.
Meanwhile this lovely lady started down a slippery and painful path of her own. I was saved Feb 5Th 2005 on a Saturday morning. Nov 6Th 2005 i was baptised in the Lord. I like many other young believers struggled with my old and new nature battle that was now taking place.
Matthew 26:41 (King James Version)
"Watch and pray, that ye enter not into temptation: the spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak."
I had not filled myself with the spirit, i was not steady in my prayers.
I had made and kept small amounts of contact with this girl i met, and found in 2007 that she was soon moving near to me after i had joined the Armed Services. I decided to meet with her to see if the same passion we both shared 3 years ago for music was still there, and to hopefully kindle a romance and a relationship that led to marriage and a happy family.
In today's society it is necessary to be married and avoid fornication,
1 Corinthians 7:2 (King James Version)
"Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband."
So even though my intention may have been scripture based, the way in which i went about it was not in submission to the Lord, the beginning of my problems started here. My wife and i during our engagement discussed thoroughly our thoughts and views on God, marriage, family and more... Yet when we made the mistake of fornication before we were married, it appeared that we had both repented. Myself and other's were under the impression that she was genuinely true to her word and her commitments (deep down inside i hope that woman still exists). I still have the original copy of her vows, a few wedding photos that were thrown in the trash and recovered, and some voice messages saved on my phone that exemplify a wife who is indeed loving, caring, respectful, and more.
She started out like this...
Proverbs 12:4 (New King James Version)
"An excellent wife is the crown of her husband, But she who causes shame is like rottenness in his bones."
and now is more like the latter half of the verse..
It is sad for me to say that while i was away (work related) she was motivated by others (and this false fear that i would end up like her ex's) that helped and enabled her to pack up and leave me, in the meantime getting a protection order as to prevent me from pursuing her.
1 Corinthians 7:10-11 (King James Version)
"And unto the married I command, yet not I, but the Lord, Let not the wife depart from her husband: But and if she depart, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband: and let not the husband put away his wife."
We had marriage classes and parenting classes that were set up and she avoided both. all of a sudden this prized wife i thought i had, was now gone, left and in such a manner as to give no hopes of her return.
Yet even with such tragedy, and multiple court cases (which have all accused me of violating this order, and the results being that i have not... due to the lack of evidence, eventually resulted in dismissal), a complete mental breakdown and various other situational related problems, the Lord has stayed true to His Word.
Joshua 1:9 (New King James Version)
"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and of good courage; do not be afraid, nor be dismayed, for the LORD your God is with you wherever you go.”
The Lord never left my side. He never will.
Today I am living strong and growing even more in the things of God, and know that i have a brighter future when living in obedience to Him.
Romans 8:28 (King James Version)
"And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose."
The First day of my very own Blog
I am officially starting a blog to keep all freinds, family and others up to date with what's going on in my life, my daily developement as a young Christian, and other various news and or scripture that has been benificial to me.
In a life and a world where often so much occurs and takes place and yet is forgotten so quickly; hopefully this will be an avenue to allow venting as well as keeping an account with progress, success and difficulties.
feel free to add at any time and share all that is in your heart and on your mind.
youngBrotha.. over & out
In a life and a world where often so much occurs and takes place and yet is forgotten so quickly; hopefully this will be an avenue to allow venting as well as keeping an account with progress, success and difficulties.
feel free to add at any time and share all that is in your heart and on your mind.
youngBrotha.. over & out
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